I realize it sounds like I’m full of shit, but this happened. My due date was the EXACT SAME as it was with the twins. I got the positive pregnancy test a few days after the “anniversary” of Oliver’s death. After 10 years of infertility, and needing IVF to have the babies we had, I got pregnant the old-fashioned way.
It fell on a Sunday, which means the kids were home and I didn’t have much downtime to grieve, or even think much about, my sweet boy.īut oh, we have a baby now. The “anniversary” of Oliver’s death was 5 days ago. I push them down because I just don’t have time to deal with the emotions. Life is beyond hectic, and that sometimes keeps me from actually feeling the things I need to feel. And his eyes confirmed what I had assumed by seeing him sitting, with his head in his hands, at the end of a long hospital corridor.Īuthor unaffected Posted on Aug2 Comments on the most haunting of images grief triggers And he looked up at me with broken, sad eyes. But I left her behind as I ran up to my husband. Someone had suggested my husband wait outside the triage room, in the hallway.Īnd when I came rushing in to the hospital, a (very slow) nurse accompanied me to the triage room. But they had been shocking his heart for 30 minutes with nothing to show but faces of solemnity. I saw that, and knew it was over.īecause had there been any glimmer of hope, he would have been in the room with Oliver, while they were trying to revive him. It is the image of my husband sitting, with his head in his hands, at the end of a long hospital corridor.
And while most would assume it would be that of my lifeless baby, it actually isn’t. It lives in my head, the most haunting of images.
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